Why You Keep Reacting This Way

Have you ever found yourself reacting instantly and intensely to something small?   

Maybe it was a message from your partner: “We need to talk later.” 

And suddenly, your heart races and your mind spirals: “Did I do something wrong? Is this the end of our relationship?”  

Or perhaps it’s your boss emailing: “Let’s set aside time to talk tomorrow.”  

And immediately, fear takes over: “Am I getting fired? What did I mess up?”  

Before you know it, you’re either panicking, demanding immediate answers, or retreating, avoiding the situation entirely.  

Why does this happen? Why do neutral words—just pixels on a screen—trigger such a strong emotional reaction?  

Today, I’ll help you uncover the hidden cycle behind these reactions: Beliefs to Emotions to Behaviors. Understanding this cycle is the first step to breaking free. 

The Hidden Cycle: Why You React Automatically

At the root of nearly every unwanted reaction is a deeply held, limiting belief about yourself, others, or the world.  

Let’s break it down:  

    1. Beliefs: These are the hidden stories you’ve carried from past experiences—like “I’m not good enough” or “People always leave me.”  
    2. Emotions: When something neutral happens (like receiving an ambiguous text), these beliefs trigger powerful emotions: fear, anxiety, shame, or anger.  
    3. Behaviors: These emotions drive automatic reactions, like snapping, withdrawing, or over-explaining, instead of responding calmly or thoughtfully.  

It’s a self-reinforcing loop, and it happens so fast that it feels like you’re powerless to stop it.

An Example in Action

Let’s revisit the message: “We need to talk later.”  

    • Belief: “I’m not good enough” or “Relationships never work out for me.”  
    • Emotion: Fear, anxiety, or dread.  
    • Behavior: Panic-texting, avoiding the conversation, or overthinking until you feel sick.  

The event itself—neutral words on a screen—isn’t the problem. It’s the meaning your mind creates based on old, unresolved beliefs.  

Here’s the thing: These beliefs likely served a purpose in the past, protecting you from real pain or rejection. But now, they’re keeping you stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. 

The Power of Awareness

The good news? You can interrupt this cycle.  

The first step is awareness:  

    • Start noticing your emotional reactions.  
    • Ask yourself: “What belief might be driving this?”  
    • Reflect on whether your reaction is about the present moment—or an echo of the past.  

This awareness creates the space for change. 

What’s Next

In the next email, we’ll dive deeper into how neutral events become emotional triggers. You’ll see how unconscious beliefs turn simple situations into emotionally charged storms—and learn how to start rewriting the story.  

For now, take a moment to reflect:  

    • Can you think of a recent situation where you overreacted to something small?  
    • What belief or story might have been fueling that reaction?  

Just noticing these patterns is a powerful step toward breaking free.  

You’re not alone in this, and I’m here to guide you every step of the way.  

Warmly, 

 Ryan

Meet Ryan Soave

Ryan Soave, LMHC is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and certified trauma therapist with over 15 years of experience in trauma and addiction recovery. His clinical work is informed by personal recovery, which led him to pursue a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling and dedicate his life to helping others heal.

 

As Chief Clinical Officer at Guardian Recovery Network, Ryan integrates evidence-based and experiential modalities including EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, yoga, breathwork, and meditation into transformative treatment programs. His holistic approach has impacted thousands of individuals on their path to lasting wellness.

 

A sought-after speaker, Ryan has led workshops and presented at national conferences and corporate institutions such as LinkedIn and Bank of America. His work resonates with individuals in crisis and high performers alike, offering a grounded path to clarity, resilience, and fulfillment.

 

Rooted in the belief that the past does not define the future, Ryan helps clients reconnect with their true selves and find meaning beyond survival. Outside of his professional life, he enjoys fly fishing, time in nature, and the love of his wife and children who continually remind him of life’s deeper lessons.

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