Why Neutral Events
Feel Threatening
(And How to Stop the Cycle)

Why Neutral Events
Feel Threatening

(And How to Stop the Cycle)

In our last email, we uncovered how your beliefs drive emotions and behaviors in automatic cycles. Today, let’s go one step further and explore how neutral events become emotionally charged and trigger these patterns.  

The Truth About Events: They’re Neutral

Here’s the thing: events themselves are neutral. They aren’t inherently good or bad—they just are.  

Take this example:  

A sports team wins a championship. Fans of the winning team see it as the best day ever, while fans of the losing team might feel devastated.  

The event didn’t change—it’s the meaning we bring to it that shapes our experience.  

And here’s where it gets tricky: often, the meaning we assign to events isn’t intentional. It’s shaped by your past experiences, unresolved emotions, and deeply ingrained beliefs.

How Beliefs Shape Meaning

How Beliefs
Shape Meaning

When something happens, your mind automatically interprets it through the lens of your beliefs:  

    • If you’ve experienced rejection, a neutral text from your spouse might feel like a threat to your relationship.  
    • If you’ve faced criticism at work, an ambiguous email from your boss might seem like a signal you’ve failed.  

These beliefs act like seeds buried deep in your mind. When a neutral event “waters” a belief, it grows into an emotional response—fear, anxiety, anger, or shame—which then drives your behavior.

The Cycle in Action

Let’s break it down using a simple scenario:  

Event: Your spouse sends a text: “We need to talk later.”  

    • Belief/Story: “Something’s wrong. They’re upset with me. Maybe they’re about to leave.”  
    • Emotion: Fear, anxiety, or dread.  
    • Behavior: You panic-text back, withdraw emotionally, or spend the day consumed with worry.  

The message itself is neutral—just words on a screen. But your mind assigns meaning based on your past, creating a cascade of emotions and reactions.

Breaking the Cycle

So, how do you stop this self-reinforcing loop?  

The first step is awareness:  

    • Recognize the difference between the neutral event and the meaning your mind creates.  
    • Ask yourself: “Is my reaction about this situation, or is it tied to unresolved feelings from the past?”  

For example, when your boss emails, “Let’s talk tomorrow,” pause and ask: “Am I reacting to this email, or am I reliving a past experience where I felt criticized or insecure?”  

By separating past beliefs from present reality, you create space to respond intentionally instead of reacting automatically.  

A Simple Exercise

Try this today:  

    1. Think of a recent situation where you had a strong emotional reaction to something small.  
    2. Reflect:  
      • What belief or story might have fueled that reaction?  
      • Was your response about the present moment—or tied to past experiences?  
    3. Imagine how you might respond differently next time.  

What’s Next

In the next email, I’ll teach you a simple yet powerful framework: Stop, Look, Choose. This process will help you pause in the moment, observe what’s really happening, and choose a response aligned with your values—not your fears.  

You’re taking courageous steps toward greater emotional clarity and freedom. Keep going, you’ve got this!  

Warmly,

 Ryan

Meet Ryan Soave

Ryan Soave, LMHC is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and certified trauma therapist with over 15 years of experience in trauma and addiction recovery. His clinical work is informed by personal recovery, which led him to pursue a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling and dedicate his life to helping others heal.

 

As Chief Clinical Officer at Guardian Recovery Network, Ryan integrates evidence-based and experiential modalities including EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, yoga, breathwork, and meditation into transformative treatment programs. His holistic approach has impacted thousands of individuals on their path to lasting wellness.

 

A sought-after speaker, Ryan has led workshops and presented at national conferences and corporate institutions such as LinkedIn and Bank of America. His work resonates with individuals in crisis and high performers alike, offering a grounded path to clarity, resilience, and fulfillment.

 

Rooted in the belief that the past does not define the future, Ryan helps clients reconnect with their true selves and find meaning beyond survival. Outside of his professional life, he enjoys fly fishing, time in nature, and the love of his wife and children who continually remind him of life’s deeper lessons.

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